Butt Implants Should Be Illegal
Nassim Nicholas Taleb, HIV, third world slum-bodies, and prison
The Kim Kardashian to Nassim Nicholas Taleb pipeline
Human lolcow Nassim Nicholas Taleb has a great post where he defines “pedophrasty” as an,
Argument involving children to prop up a rationalization and make the opponent look like an asshole, as people are defenseless and suspend all skepticism in front of suffering children: nobody has the heart to question the authenticity or source of the reporting. Often done with the aid of pictures.
He aptly subtitles the post:
Clearing the discourse of abuses and abusers. The more you institutionalize rules of ethical behavior that should be voluntary (say, anti-racism, anti-sexism), the more they will be used as a cover for unethical actions.
Whether you’re a mommy, politician, or weapons cache, I don’t like when you hide behind women, children, the elderly, minorities or any other protected class. Sometimes people accuse me of disliking women, especially girlbosses(?), but strangely no one has ever accused me of valuing adult, male life too much.
I say all of this to preface the piece that follows with a caveat: If you can’t handle discussion of gender relations, medical malpractice, the current dating market or are just generally squeamish around imprisoning thousands of women for doing something every person they know should have prevented with force if needed, this is your chance to get out. If you try to attack me by hiding behind women at large, many will see you for the clown you are and they will be right.
How to get ahead in life
It’s said that money doesn’t make you classy, but it doesn’t make you first world either and no nation proves this more than the United States, the richest nation to ever exist in the history of the world and yet, when I went to my local precinct to bring the guys dinner last week (yes, I do this a few times a year), the Lieutenant was complaining to me about shootings and when I asked which ones, he just mentioned the ones that keep happening randomly in nearby parking lots as though this were novel or remarkable. Although, I suspect that if I had to get my ass out there and try to stop it every day and had friends who lost their lives doing so, I would probably feel a little different about it.
You may ask if I’m a total boot-licking back-the-blue guy but I don’t have that much respect for institutional authority in general, whether it be Harvard, McKinsey or the CDC. Rather, I’m a pragmatist who believes people treat you the way you train them to but that, paradoxically, the more institutions enforce conformity and demand everyone treat everyone else the same, the stronger my signal is. I treat people according to the reciprocity I’m trying to generate and it gets me further than I would if I treated everyone the same. As Taleb observes, “the more you institutionalize rules of ethical behavior that should be voluntary(…) the more they will be used as a cover for unethical actions.” Conversely, the more you refuse to allow others to get away with unethical actions, the more you must violate established norms and break codified laws to do so.
Am I committing a felony?
One of the reasons bringing the cops food doesn’t qualify as bribery comes from my lack of request. I’m not asking the cops to do anything besides eat some tacos and rotisserie chicken. They don’t owe me a hit or some kind of escort over the highway and yet it still puts highlighter on my name, which is seared into the minds of many of these same officers due to verbal assaults I’ve also waged on them. What I’m trying to get them to do is their basic jobs, what they’re already doing but more of it and better, armies marching on their bellies or whatever. If I just showed up demanding things of them with no foregrounding, none of the courting, foreplay, shouting, and food, none of the job part would happen. In fact, they might leave my block wide open just to fuck me. My house itself is great but mostly because I made it that way, but longtime subs may recall me confronting a homeless gentleman behind my house while my foot was broken or that just the other week someone tried to kill my cat.
My intentions are noble. The cops, who are probably busting their asses, get to eat without blowing their paychecks and hopefully I increase their impact in my immediate vicinity. Most Americans don’t have an extreme aversion to this practice and yet any third world resident would immediately recognize this as a necessary minimum to curry favor and get any service at all, which is where I’m at, knowing the process and the switchboards are generally working against you, while rotisserie chicken is working for you. The truth is that if you don’t live in a wealthy suburb, a gated community or affluent college campus, you probably should hire private security, consider bribing the cops or get out.
If you find yourself disagreeing with the general picture I’m painting, you can read Scott Alexander make a compelling case against this type of thinking here and you can read Kitten’s rebuttal to Alexander here.
The easiest way to tell I’m not bribing the cops
Is that if I were, I’d have them imprison every woman with butt implants or who had fat transferred into her ass and have it all forcibly removed at the beginning of their bid. Butt implants and BBLs are the closest thing to a sin against nature that I’ve seen in my life and I’ve seen explosions, beheadings, generalized decapitations, and a shit ton of body- and dash- cam footage, all courtesy of the worldwide web, but ISIS is usually kind enough not to wear athleisure in front of me while their SNAP benefits decline at HEB. While I’ve touched some breast implants in my life (also not a fan), I’ve never had the courtesy of making contact with one of these counterfeit tushies. And while it’s totally possible that the feel of my balls crashing into one feels better than the real thing, I have my doubts.
But the real issue, if we’re going to talk clearly about this, is all the daylight between how these asses look and what makes me want to slam my balls into one. Even if the ass itself looked good as a standalone body part (which they don’t), the bigger picture is all off. The hamstrings never feed into the glutes right which fucks up the curvature and makes them look weird. These butts are often too high, too shelflike, too hyperbolic on the y-axis and too deep on the z-axis but you know of all this from looking at one whether you understand any of what I just said or not. It’s not so much that I’m calling for butts to be this shape or that one. I’m just biologically wired to find natural asses more attractive than fake ones. It’s not my fault or yours but allowing women to do this to themselves probably is.
No more selfies, no more matchas, no more cities in your bio. No more deceptive angles or filters. No more talk about the gym and the fake gains in your fake glutes. No more scar-reduction massages performed by a woman who also does nails and has a dog-walking service and Honda but no car insurance.1
And yet third worldism persists
I’ve known decimillionaires who have had plastic surgery you’d never know about because they pay beaucoup bucks to have very little done, staying well within the realm of relatability and plausible deniability, whereas nothing screams ghetto/favela trash like an unrealistic ass, whether large or small. Yes, our betters like their teeth white but not incandescent. They like their tits above their bellybutton but opt for a lift with teardrop shape so the effects of gravity are not totally absent and the tissue doesn’t feel like something besides booby. You don’t want the bulbous, hard, cockeyed tits your favorite fitness instructor paid for in the old country where most women’s dream is just to be able to afford surgery, and their over-the-top signaling can be easily accounted for as conspicuous consumption, a display of wealth and access to wealth, rather than sexual desirability or fitness.
If Clavicular is a man playing a woman’s game (beauty), then women engaging in conspicuous consumption are playing a man’s game (wealth). Most women don’t want a man who takes longer than them in the bathroom and most men don’t want a woman who has no need for his chivalry and largesse.
To paraphrase Jeff Giesea, now that everyone can see how looksmaxxing is bad when men do it, maybe they can begin to question whether the sin changes based on who does it. I happen to think that physical vanity is kind of lame but am a gym guy who enjoys looking formidable and do enjoy pretty women, which is to say vanity is bad but it’s worse when men do it. I can think of plenty of relatable reasons to get plastic surgery, especially after life-saving surgeries or other disfigurements, and I don’t rule it out outright, but like medically transitioning, the current tech for butt implants and butt-lifts sucks and everyone knows it without me needing to post any of the gory, botched bodies or the unpleasant complications which can include being a very smelly woman. Secondhand smoke be damned, butt-enhancements are obviously worse than cigarettes and it’s the health of our eyes that’s on the line.
You already had enough stretch marks anyway.
I can just imagine you writing a note, looking it over, and saying "No, I have more to say on this"
I'm all for cosmetic enhancements, from eyeliner to face lifts, just don't make it tacky.