Gribbles Derangement Syndrome

Why Glenn and Hanania are just plain wrong

Glenn

or should I say “Glenn” has been diligently plugging away at his listserv for homosexual crustacean-advocates for some time now and I’ve mostly let his nonsense go unremarked upon save for my constant reply-guying and occasional restacking wherein I vie for little bits of his attention from across these United States of Exception.

What's Wrong with Rightoids?

Unfortunately, I can no longer avoid breaking the SNAP Principle (Substack Non-Aggression Principle Principle) and feel compelled to get all hunty slay queen yas bitch on behalf of chuds, wiggers, juggalos and assorted conspiracy theorists without the verbal capacity (or nonverbal capacity) to defend themselves or make cogent arguments.

Glenn or should I say “Glenn.”

Yes, I’m diving off the top rope right at Glenn’s misshapen head because, I myself, don’t possess the wit or panache to take on Chief Boss Bitch of Elite Human Capital,

Richard Hanania

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You see, Hanania has led the charge to describe the salt of the earth men and women who make civil society run as Dale Gribbles Voters in the same way that James Lindsay has been leading the charge to call everyone he doesn’t understand the Woke Right. Like lizard people and the Jews, he sees them as all-accountable for the dysfunction in American politics while simultaneously presuming they lack the agency to work at a Walmart Supercenter.

This man has never allowed an expired product in his refrigerator.

While the Gribbles I so love and defend lack my superior command of the English language (my IQ is 105), I can readily identify Glenn and Hanania’s shared pathology as Gribbles Derangement Syndrome.

Like IBS, GDS afflicts millions of manicured Americans who luxuriate not only in the immiseration of their fellow Americans but actively side with proponents of state-run conveyer-belt suicides. Yes, they not only enjoy when health insurers deny claims, they love all the paperwork involved in selecting policy coverage and electives. They do recreational crosswords and shoot vaccines for fun. In fact, if capitalism didn’t pay, they’d still advocate for the poverty and jealousy it creates.

You know a GDS-sufferer when you see them. Wealthy, conscientious, sober, convinced everyone should do and be these things. They have clear skin. They hug their kids, and read and write for fun. They vote early. Monogamous but only because they have no choice. They are impervious to the culture war because they have no culture and are incapable of war. They put their pants on one leg at a time but they also lay them out the night before and make sure they are properly pleated. They have never known the pleasure of driving without a seatbelt or how it feels to discharge a bullpup into a decaying Jeep Wrangler without checking to see who or what stands behind it.

True, they have insulated themselves from certain trends and know how to zone out whenever talk of pronouns comes up, as they constantly think people are just now learning how to diagram sentences for the first time. They do not get hung up on discussions of sex as they did not realize anyone is having it and that it is the primary way people who don’t make a lot of money have fun. They know nothing of pleasure and everything about how to run the world. They hate you but only because you make being retarded look so fun.

Admin reveal.

My advice to The Gribbels, to mi gente, is keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t let a bank teller stop you from indemnifying her against the powers of 5G or the dangers of extraterrestrial copulation. Don’t be afraid to go full sovereign citizen when TSA asks you to show your inhaler. And don’t stop advocating for free speech, legal hallucinogens, an end to the Fed, repealing the 19th Amendment, HRT for toddlers, and The Department of RFK. As my colleague Lirpa says, “Americans have always been vibes-based voters to a certain degree and our primary vibe is freedom.” Fuck around with us and find out how retarded we can get.