We need to talk about Elon

Where all my allies at?

To my gentile friends:

I hate to break character and write to you with such seriousness but I want to thank you for warning me about Elon Musk and his Roman salute to Donald Trump at his second inauguration.

As the grandchild of Romanian Jews (on both sides), I take antisemitism seriously. While my mother was quite smart (she graduated 30-something out of a class of thousands), she obviously derived the genes for her intellect from her father who passed when she was a teenager. In retrospect, it is clear she did not inherent her intelligence from her mother who had issues planning things out and staying financially secure during one of the easier times in the American economy. I bring this up, not to dunk on my grandmother or great grandmother, but to preface this fact…

The only reason I am talking to you today as a North American and not a South American is because when my great grandmother first escaped Romania and embarked on her portion of the Jewish diaspora, she brought her two daughters to The New World with her, first landing in South America but she refused to stay. After having given insufficient forethought to where she would like to be (and not only where she would like to get away from) she had heard rumor that they cremate their dead in South America whereas Jewish law states the body should be buried promptly. As the homeless women of New York have been teaching us, fire desecrates the body, and Jews are both against being homeless and being on fire.

Am guessing this is what a yeast infection is like.

In their quest not only for survival but continuance of their culture, my matrilineal forebears then set sail for North America, worrying their way into the interior of the country and settling into Chicago amidst conmen, fencers, and assorted criminals both Jewish and Italian, vying never to be without a home or inside a fire.

What do you mean you ain’t got no latkes?

Moving the calendar forward into my own lifetime, as a child, I can remember family saying not to speed through The South when road-tripping, to always have your driver’s license on you and to be respectful towards cops, especially in the Carolinas which were infamous for cops who looked like Colonel Sanders and stopped cars with out-of-state tags. Being lowly fried chicken cops, they were not fans of the Jews or mafia and would treat us indistinguishably. This further demonstrates the legacy of unbearable tribulations Jews are forced to undergo in America.

This is how Jews see cops.

Having already cited two anecdotes that prove my point, all this is to say us Jews live under the constant specter of racial animus. Whether we are trying to drive 120 mph through your state (to be fair, some have lots of homelessness and fire) or whether we are trying to end an Eastern European war so that we can do another Middle Eastern one, we appreciate you pointing out the imminent threat that Elon Musk poses to us and our culture.

Despite the fact that Miriam Adelson donated a cool $100,000,000 toward electing Donald Trump, that his daughter Ivanka converted to Judaism prior to marrying Jared Kushner, and the fact that many Jews like Stephen Miller occupy his inner circle, I’m glad you can see through it all. And warn us. Us Jews who are insufficiently sensitive to antisemitism.