Next month I'm going in for an 8 hour battery of neurodivergent testing that will result in a fully actionable, legally gold plated diagnosis. I may not be the apex trans lesbian black woman, but having an upgrade from run of the mill straight white male might be helpful in the coming years.
I thought we were told growing up that putting labels on people was bad. How did the same people then come up with a gazillions labels that are now suddenly ok?
Also women always worked with men - in farms, pubs, restaurants, not just as queens. They just hadn’t joined the professional managerial class.
I would love to talk about my workplace where I’m the CEO and co-founder with 12 other guys and 1 other woman and I see drama that’s quite hilarious but I can’t.
So let me just say - powerful men often end up using women in power to keep everyone else in order.
Also I think the - “How often do you think about the Roman Empire” question is adorable and proves women find men who think like that adorable. I have that question in my “opening question” on Bumble. And the guy who I talked to was one who said “I don’t just think about the Roman Empire I also think about the Byzantine Empire. Why do you ask? Are you a historian?” 😭😭😭
I agree about violence being the cost of beauty. And FairPlay (TM) - my favorite western concept whose origin is from ancient England/Scotland - coming at the cost of violent civilization.
I agree about birth control. I was on birth control for 9 months for health reasons and my libido fell so sharply (I didn’t realize it was because of BC because I had these health issues as well) that my boyfriend at the time actually thought I had fallen out of love with him. I don’t understand why a better way to stop pregnancies hasn’t been invented.
You’re wrong about the shared culture not existing. There are more things people share now than they ever did. And you can actually pursue them without being mocked.
And it’s absurd to think zoomers don’t have parties. Maybe weirdo internet only zoomers don’t party but the hot young people are partying hard 🥲
I think the reason SVM likes ties is because when he was 13, regular guys wearing ties were always getting things like this happening to them, in music videos: https://youtu.be/NCZuYS-9qaw?si=dUXrPR8nyJNz-cu1
Fucking hell, both my notes on the podcast and the first half of my comment here were eaten, so the fact I spent so much time redoing this shows just how much I engaged with the podcast...
The first time I wore a suit and tie was for a rather formal internship in a country famous for its beer. One Friday afternoon I was wandering around the main square and they just so happened to have a beer convention on. Being formally dressed, they assumed I was a delegate and waved me in. Open bar! In LinkedIn HR speak, I capably seized the opportunity to cultivate my market segment awareness, and am now exceptionally proficient in curating that country's beer section at the local BevMo.
On Autism and labels... I'd strongly advise people (and especially any teenagers reading this) to just be cautious with casually adopting an Austism label as a totalizing explanation for why they are the way they are. I was thrown an Asperger's diagnosis way too early in life, and internalized it as some kind of set in stone prescriptive certainty that I'd never have friends and always be socially out of whack. Couple this with being bullied in elementary school and developing social anxiety, and it seriously fucked up my social development and lead to a lot of arrested development.
The real kicker is I can't even seem to pass any modern ASD screening quiz. Turns out that over 30% of the late Gen X and early/mid Millennials that were diagnosed with Asperger's aren't actually Autistic, just a different kind of neurodivergent with some overlapping Austist-type traits. Usually it's a combination of the non-hyperactive form of ADHD and something called NVLD, where you are high verbal IQ but shitty with performance IQ, ie, the classic Wordcel. NVLD has many similar symptoms as ASD because you'll have problems with motor skills and nonverbal communication, but the reasons behind it are completely different... likewise the suggestions for how to compensate for them. So caveat emptor. I'm certainly an "Autist"... just not likely full on Autistic.
A far more useful and less prescriptive organizing schema is the MBTI. It's not just astrology for the extremely online, but something good enough for the FBI, CIA, and Fortune 500 to use for profiling people, with the explicit disclaimer that it is reasonably useful around 80% of the time. Just as many hyperactive ADHDers seem to be ENTPs or ENFPs, many self-diagnosed Autists just might be INTJs, INFJs, or INTPs. Many of the Rationalists in our extended online social sphere are Autist-level INTPs. And pattern recognition guys who want to argue facts and logic and get irritated with all the feelings talk are probably INTJs.
I'll also throw in on the Autist-type guys accidentally locking onto BPD girls. I'm quite skilled at being the initiator at meeting new people socially on a platonic level, but full on flirting requires compensating for too many factors at once that just overclocks my brain, much as having 50 tabs open on Firefox did back in the day. But when I "platonically" hit on a BPD girl, they read it differently.
Finally, I'll just say the US is far more antisocial than other countries. Latin / Mediterranean-type people see all Americans as being a little Autist, so they're far easier to meet since there's less "masking" work involved and you have the relative novelty factor as well to compensate for any minor social faux paus that would give a fellow American the "weird / something off / not predictable" ick. And yes, obscenity / general attractiveness plays a role as well. When even the Brazilian nerds / dorks are somewhat attractive, they have far better luck in the dating world and all the accumulated social navigation experience that comes from that.
I’d never heard of NVLD before, thanks! Interesting, but I don’t think that’s me — I suck at some sports (basketball), but I’m apparently too good at other spatial things (competed in ballroom dance) for this to apply.
The “BPD girls interpret it as flirting when you just exist” thing is a good call, and I think it explains a lot — there could be filtering going on in both directions: autists can’t full-on flirt with normal women, but BPD girls will perceive “flirting” at much lower levels and escalate; meanwhile, normal men are avoiding BPD girls by picking up on red flags that autists don’t. So we just get “sorted for” each other, as though by an algorithm.
Niiiiiice! This was a blast! Thanks again.
Didn't really think about the "I'm autistic" as a counter-measure to the hullabaloo of mansplaining accusations.
Next month I'm going in for an 8 hour battery of neurodivergent testing that will result in a fully actionable, legally gold plated diagnosis. I may not be the apex trans lesbian black woman, but having an upgrade from run of the mill straight white male might be helpful in the coming years.
Mr Mole should sell the "I'm not mansplaining, I'm autistic" shirts
I guess I’ll have to, in order to make sure they employ a semicolon, rather than a comma, between those two independent clauses!
I thought we were told growing up that putting labels on people was bad. How did the same people then come up with a gazillions labels that are now suddenly ok?
Also women always worked with men - in farms, pubs, restaurants, not just as queens. They just hadn’t joined the professional managerial class.
Interesting discussion.
I would love to talk about my workplace where I’m the CEO and co-founder with 12 other guys and 1 other woman and I see drama that’s quite hilarious but I can’t.
So let me just say - powerful men often end up using women in power to keep everyone else in order.
Also I think the - “How often do you think about the Roman Empire” question is adorable and proves women find men who think like that adorable. I have that question in my “opening question” on Bumble. And the guy who I talked to was one who said “I don’t just think about the Roman Empire I also think about the Byzantine Empire. Why do you ask? Are you a historian?” 😭😭😭
I agree about violence being the cost of beauty. And FairPlay (TM) - my favorite western concept whose origin is from ancient England/Scotland - coming at the cost of violent civilization.
I agree about birth control. I was on birth control for 9 months for health reasons and my libido fell so sharply (I didn’t realize it was because of BC because I had these health issues as well) that my boyfriend at the time actually thought I had fallen out of love with him. I don’t understand why a better way to stop pregnancies hasn’t been invented.
You’re wrong about the shared culture not existing. There are more things people share now than they ever did. And you can actually pursue them without being mocked.
And it’s absurd to think zoomers don’t have parties. Maybe weirdo internet only zoomers don’t party but the hot young people are partying hard 🥲
Omg I’ve been replying to this as I kept listening. Apologies for clogging up your notifications. Great podcast!
I honestly didn't realize you were such a dork, Ancient, new level of respect.
If he were really that much of a dork, he’d spell it “Antient.”
I think the reason SVM likes ties is because when he was 13, regular guys wearing ties were always getting things like this happening to them, in music videos: https://youtu.be/NCZuYS-9qaw?si=dUXrPR8nyJNz-cu1
Men are just trying to do work. Ladies, please stop seducing us.
Omg 😝😝😝😝
Fucking hell, both my notes on the podcast and the first half of my comment here were eaten, so the fact I spent so much time redoing this shows just how much I engaged with the podcast...
The first time I wore a suit and tie was for a rather formal internship in a country famous for its beer. One Friday afternoon I was wandering around the main square and they just so happened to have a beer convention on. Being formally dressed, they assumed I was a delegate and waved me in. Open bar! In LinkedIn HR speak, I capably seized the opportunity to cultivate my market segment awareness, and am now exceptionally proficient in curating that country's beer section at the local BevMo.
On Autism and labels... I'd strongly advise people (and especially any teenagers reading this) to just be cautious with casually adopting an Austism label as a totalizing explanation for why they are the way they are. I was thrown an Asperger's diagnosis way too early in life, and internalized it as some kind of set in stone prescriptive certainty that I'd never have friends and always be socially out of whack. Couple this with being bullied in elementary school and developing social anxiety, and it seriously fucked up my social development and lead to a lot of arrested development.
The real kicker is I can't even seem to pass any modern ASD screening quiz. Turns out that over 30% of the late Gen X and early/mid Millennials that were diagnosed with Asperger's aren't actually Autistic, just a different kind of neurodivergent with some overlapping Austist-type traits. Usually it's a combination of the non-hyperactive form of ADHD and something called NVLD, where you are high verbal IQ but shitty with performance IQ, ie, the classic Wordcel. NVLD has many similar symptoms as ASD because you'll have problems with motor skills and nonverbal communication, but the reasons behind it are completely different... likewise the suggestions for how to compensate for them. So caveat emptor. I'm certainly an "Autist"... just not likely full on Autistic.
A far more useful and less prescriptive organizing schema is the MBTI. It's not just astrology for the extremely online, but something good enough for the FBI, CIA, and Fortune 500 to use for profiling people, with the explicit disclaimer that it is reasonably useful around 80% of the time. Just as many hyperactive ADHDers seem to be ENTPs or ENFPs, many self-diagnosed Autists just might be INTJs, INFJs, or INTPs. Many of the Rationalists in our extended online social sphere are Autist-level INTPs. And pattern recognition guys who want to argue facts and logic and get irritated with all the feelings talk are probably INTJs.
I'll also throw in on the Autist-type guys accidentally locking onto BPD girls. I'm quite skilled at being the initiator at meeting new people socially on a platonic level, but full on flirting requires compensating for too many factors at once that just overclocks my brain, much as having 50 tabs open on Firefox did back in the day. But when I "platonically" hit on a BPD girl, they read it differently.
Finally, I'll just say the US is far more antisocial than other countries. Latin / Mediterranean-type people see all Americans as being a little Autist, so they're far easier to meet since there's less "masking" work involved and you have the relative novelty factor as well to compensate for any minor social faux paus that would give a fellow American the "weird / something off / not predictable" ick. And yes, obscenity / general attractiveness plays a role as well. When even the Brazilian nerds / dorks are somewhat attractive, they have far better luck in the dating world and all the accumulated social navigation experience that comes from that.
I’d never heard of NVLD before, thanks! Interesting, but I don’t think that’s me — I suck at some sports (basketball), but I’m apparently too good at other spatial things (competed in ballroom dance) for this to apply.
The “BPD girls interpret it as flirting when you just exist” thing is a good call, and I think it explains a lot — there could be filtering going on in both directions: autists can’t full-on flirt with normal women, but BPD girls will perceive “flirting” at much lower levels and escalate; meanwhile, normal men are avoiding BPD girls by picking up on red flags that autists don’t. So we just get “sorted for” each other, as though by an algorithm.
Been itching for a fresh episode like this in a bit.