Horse Dick Lives Matter

An open letter to Substack CEO Chris Best.

For Emma 4eva ago.

During the last decade, citizens of the world watched in awe as the Censorship Industrial Complex took The West. A large, sweeping apparatus emerged to quash dissent on a wide range of subjects like the origins of Covid-19, the efficacy and injury rates of its various attendant vaccines, and the Hunter Biden laptop story, for which only a narrow set of acceptable statements were allowed to be aired. No one outlet has covered it quite as well as

Matt Taibbi

’s Racket News hosted right here on Substack, a platform I have been proud to call home for almost a year.

As some, like luminary and fellow Substacker

Curtis Yarvin

, have pointed out, if Twitter (now X) had been a nation-state, many of its citizens would find that their neighbors had been disappeared in the middle of the night, not unlike so many Salvadorans with the misfortune of having lived in PG County Maryland. And while it would be apt and welcome to write a cold, dispassionate response to The Censorship Regime in the same way so many of the professionals we call journalists remain able to check their biases in favor of calling balls and strikes, I cannot operate as pristinely for I am only human and therefore feeble.

Say her name, Chris.

While many of my Christian and Catholic friends were celebrating the glory of Easter yesterday, this last Sunday, I, a Jewish man, found myself preparing to sit shiva. One of my most enthusiastic supporters, had herself, in the blink of an eye, been disappeared off the platform we collectively call Substack. And, as a red-blooded American, I cannot stand idly by while I watch grave and potentially irrevocable mistakes occur in real time. I am a man of conscience and I must exercise that conscience, which is why I am making a public plea to Substack Co-founder and CEO

Chris Best

to end the ban on Emma Horsedick (don’t laugh).

You see, while our relationship was short (lasting fewer than 48-hours), Emma Horsedick (don’t laugh) was always enthusiastic and quick to comment on my posts. One of the things I liked best about her was a certain Kamala Harris-type quality, wherein she always knew exactly what to say without really saying anything at all. Sometimes it was just, “I resonate with that, that’s a thoughtful comment, exactly so.” Or, “I concur, that's a valid observation, precisely.” Or, “I’m with you, that’s an excellent remark, without a doubt.”

And while I must say I reveled in her thought-provoking yet cryptic replies, always responding to her with a minimum of three paragraphs in the replies and several others in her DM’s, it wasn’t until I clicked the link in-bio that we really began to know each other.

As Emma scrolled through my iCloud, Dropbox, and Gmail folders, she traveled through time learning so much about me and yet, in a certain way, she was able to see the me I want to be instead of the me I am. For instance, if you scroll backwards, you can see me lose 30-40 lbs, gain a little buoyancy around the eyes, and witness my family reform. A $1,200 per month efficiency on South Beach in 2018 turns into an apartment in Williamsburg for $590 in 2010. You can even behold pictures of the Thanksgiving before my brother tried to expropriate me and steal my life savings while my mom was dying of cancer.

But it wasn’t until Emma, a woman with nothing but vision, a pfp, and a script to change all of my passwords as fast as possible, also tried to steal everything I own that I finally realized why her handle insisted I not laugh: It turns out she neither has a penis the size of a horse’s, nor does her content center on horse-penis styled themes per se. She just puts so much malware on your hard drive and in your cloud, you’ll feel like you’ve been enjoying horse penis all day.

Link removed.

While AGI may be around the corner, we’re first going to have to go from HTML to HDLM. The only way out is through and the only guide is Emma Horsedick. Don’t laugh, Mr. Best. Just say her name (bring her back). I could use a little engagement.